Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
HELP!! I need to Find Myself!!
Majority of my life has been driven by fear. I never thought that I would be one of those people who were fearful. In fact, it was not always this way. When I was in my early teens through my mid twenties I was fearless. Going through life as if I could conquer the world. Nothing could stop me not even the nay-sayers!!
I think my turning point happened when I was experiencing…..what the old heads call…..”Growing Pains”. If fact, I remember the day it happened. I was around 24ish and I was working in Los Angeles at my very first job. Let me tell you something about me……I have what you call a “Doll House Syndrome” meaning that I love to envision how things should go and if they don’t go as planned I get flustered. So when my life never went the direction I wanted it to go I got angry. Eventually that anger turned into fear and I ended up taking jobs in anything. I was fearful that I was never going to achieve all the things that I envisioned for myself, and on top of the fact that the real world was scary and I had no idea how to make it work.
The good thing about “winging it” like I was doing after 25, it lead me to live in Charlotte, NC and finally find a place that I could call home. However this fearful stage of my life is now over.
After giving myself a chance to “let go” after being laid-off, I started to find myself slowly. I gave myself time to heal and let go of this horrible fear that was holding me back. I had to really ask myself a lot of questions about what I liked and who I really am. I could not have done this if I did not get laid off. I needed this time to sort out my goals and find myself again.
I did find my new path and I hope that you keep following me as I walk it.
I think my turning point happened when I was experiencing…..what the old heads call…..”Growing Pains”. If fact, I remember the day it happened. I was around 24ish and I was working in Los Angeles at my very first job. Let me tell you something about me……I have what you call a “Doll House Syndrome” meaning that I love to envision how things should go and if they don’t go as planned I get flustered. So when my life never went the direction I wanted it to go I got angry. Eventually that anger turned into fear and I ended up taking jobs in anything. I was fearful that I was never going to achieve all the things that I envisioned for myself, and on top of the fact that the real world was scary and I had no idea how to make it work.
The good thing about “winging it” like I was doing after 25, it lead me to live in Charlotte, NC and finally find a place that I could call home. However this fearful stage of my life is now over.
After giving myself a chance to “let go” after being laid-off, I started to find myself slowly. I gave myself time to heal and let go of this horrible fear that was holding me back. I had to really ask myself a lot of questions about what I liked and who I really am. I could not have done this if I did not get laid off. I needed this time to sort out my goals and find myself again.
I did find my new path and I hope that you keep following me as I walk it.
Hitting Rock Bottom
I lost my job in May of 2009 and it was like the world stopped revolving. I was not shocked so much because I knew that it was coming eventually but I was not expecting it so soon. Of course because I am such an obsessive list maker I came home right away to start planning out what the hell I was going to do.
So I sat down…still in my work clothes……and was frozen. Absolutely lost.
Folks…this is what rock bottom feels like………lost.
So I allowed myself to feel this feeling completely without forcing myself to make a list. I think that the act of “letting go” was more powerful than any list I could make.
There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.
So I sat down…still in my work clothes……and was frozen. Absolutely lost.
Folks…this is what rock bottom feels like………lost.
So I allowed myself to feel this feeling completely without forcing myself to make a list. I think that the act of “letting go” was more powerful than any list I could make.
There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.
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